Answers, with acceptance criteria.
Twelve questions, twelve answers, one definition of done. If your question is not here, it is probably out of scope, which means we will discuss it in the next sprint.
The basics
Is this actually OnlyFans?
No. OnlyDevs is a parody and is not affiliated with OnlyFans or any real subscription platform. There are no accounts, no payments, and no explicit content. There are, however, a lot of opinions about indentation.
Do I have to be a developer to use this?
No. Curiosity is enough. You may, however, be asked to explain your branch strategy at some point. A confident mumble is usually fine.
Is there nudity?
Only exposed APIs. Everything on OnlyDevs is safe for work. The spiciest thing you will see is an unformatted XML response at 2am.
Why is it called OnlyDevs?
Because 'LinkedIn, but with a sense of humour' did not fit on the domain. We own onlydevs.us and onlydevs.me. The .com was presumably bought by a very confused person in 2009.
Do you use AI to write the site?
No. The site is static, hand-typed HTML and CSS. The developer bios are hand-crafted. The Jira epics are fourteen paragraphs long and contain at least one unnecessary glossary. That is how you can tell.
What is the deal with the Silicon Valley characters?
They are fictional characters from a television programme, used here as an affectionate, unauthorized fan parody. OnlyDevs is not affiliated with HBO, the show's creators, Hooli, Pied Piper, or anyone with three commas. No one from the show has been consulted. Gavin has not returned our calls.
Subscriptions, allegedly
Can I actually subscribe or pay?
No. Every subscribe button is theatre. No payment details are collected, no money changes hands, and no developer gets paid. The closest thing to a transaction is a localStorage entry in your own browser.
Are the developers real people?
They are composite characters built from decades of collective developer experience. Any resemblance to your staff engineer is coincidental and, frankly, a little concerning.
What is included in the free tier?
Browsing, three preview posts per month, public commit messages, and the inalienable right to say 'I could build that' while doing nothing of the sort.
Can I cancel anytime?
Yes. There is nothing to cancel. You were never subscribed. This is either liberating or deeply sad, depending on your relationship with commitment.
Is my data safe?
There is no data. OnlyDevs is a static site with no analytics, no cookies, and no backend. Your pretend subscription lives in localStorage on your own device and never leaves it. The hosting provider keeps standard request logs.
Creators & craft
Can I become a creator?
Auditions open soon. Bring a monorepo, a strongly held opinion about tabs, and at least one story about a production incident you have not fully processed.
Why does the site load so fast?
Static HTML, self-hosted fonts, almost no JavaScript, no tracking, and no cookie banner. It is the software equivalent of a tidy desk. We are as surprised as you are.
One more time for the people in the back:OnlyDevs is a parody. There are no accounts, no payments, and no explicit content. There is only a static site, a directory of fictional developers, and a growing sense that we should have written tests.