Terms of vibes.

1. Acceptance of vibes

By accessing OnlyDevs, you agree to be mildly amused, occasionally confused, and at least once per visit reminded of a production incident you thought you had processed. If you do not agree, close the tab. That is also how you cancel.

2. No accounts, no money, no data

There is no registration, no login, no payment form, and no backend. We do not collect names, email addresses, card details, resumes, or opinions about tabs. Any “subscribe” action is a piece of browser theatre stored in your own localStorage. It never leaves your device.

All prices displayed are fictional. No currency is accepted. No invoice is payable in exposure, technical debt, or a firm handshake, although we appreciate the gesture.

3. Code of conduct

• Be kind. Everyone is doing their best, including the person who wrote that regex.
• No harassment, no doxxing, no real people, no real companies as characters.
• No spoilers for legacy systems that are still running in production.
• Do not open a pull request without reading the contributing guide. There is no guide.
• If you must force-push, have a backup and a small apology prepared.

4. Intellectual property

The OnlyDevs name, logo, copy, and fictional developer profiles are part of this parody. The stereotypes are shared property of the software industry. The phrase “it works on my machine” is public domain and, at this point, a lifestyle.

All developer names, quotes, and stories are fictional. Any resemblance to a real person is coincidental. Any resemblance to your staff engineer is unfortunate but statistically likely.

5. Uptime and availability

OnlyDevs is a static site hosted on a global network. It is available most of the time, much like your side project is “almost finished”. We make no uptime guarantee, no SLA, and no promise that the site will be here after the next major framework release.

6. Limitation of liability

To the maximum extent permitted by humour, OnlyDevs is not responsible for lost time, lost sleep, lost sprint velocity, or the sudden urge to refactor a legacy module after reading a profile. Do not deploy to production on a Friday. Do not take career advice from a fictional architect named Ivory Tower.

7. External links

Some links may point to email clients or other parts of this site. We do not control the internet, although we have opinions about it. If you find a broken link, treat it as a legacy system and work around it.

8. Changes to these terms

We may update these terms whenever we feel like it, which is the same governance model as most internal wikis. The “last updated” date will change. There will be no email notification because there are no emails.

9. Governing law

These terms are governed by the laws of whichever jurisdiction has the strongest sense of humour. Any dispute will be resolved by a retrospective, followed by two action items and a commitment to “communicate better”.

10. Contact

Questions about these terms can be sent tohello@onlydevs.us. A human will read them. There is no ticket number, no SLA, and no chatbot.

OnlyDevs is a parody. Not affiliated with OnlyFans. No accounts, no payments, no explicit content — only exposed APIs.